Ahhh, so once more the current taboo in Child Development/Parenting was raised and I was once again the black sheep in the room, the devils advocate if you will. Spanking... corporal punishment... ahhh it's so horrible and should never, ever be used. Well at least that's what the EXPERTS say these days.
I am currently attending a weekly program on post called "the Nurturing Program." This is a program that I volunteered with when we were first stationed in Colorado as newly weds. So I know some of the people very well. And this is a topic that I have struggled with for a long time. In college we had long lengthy discussions in class and had it crammed down our thoughts what a horrible awful thing spanking is. And before I go any further I will say that using spanking or other forms of physical punishment as your only form of discipline/punishment... is not acceptable and can leave to emotional or physical harm. I don't promote it in an abusive fashion at all.
However, spanking is a "tool" in Cole and my "tool box" if you will.. That is something we are in agreement on (although I did say I would never spank when we first got married... and called it that I would be the first to spank!) There are times when a spanking is deserved. A spanking given by a controlled parent, doing out of love to get the point across... and with follow through in verbal communication with the child.
I remember in college being the devils advocate. I didn't yet have children of my own but at that very time was witnessing my aunt and uncle go through the struggle with their boys. They had sworn to never be spankers. With their first, it wasn't really necessary... but then their second came along. A very different child. And all the other tricks didn't seem to work, but he did respond to spankings (again done in a loving manor with follow through.) Now as a parent I myself have witnessed and experienced the timing and use of this tool. I will admit that there have been times that out of frustration I have spanked and I'm regretful of those times, and I have told Sierra that too (and admitting you are wrong to your child is hard as well). I am not perfect, but I also know my child. My child is much like I was.... a limit tester. There comes a point that other consequences and rational don't get the point across, and a spanking does. I don't recall being spanked much past the age of 5 and I'm hoping that perhaps Sierra will outgrow the need for them too soon. However, I will remain that black sheep in the room and stand by our beliefs without feeling guilty or that I am forever ruining my child for it. I actually feel that quite the opposite can be done when boundaries are not kept with children.
After coming home and getting the children in bed tonight at called up and had a conversation this evening with my younger cousins, my aunt and my uncle about this whole topic in fear that I may be setting Sierra up for a damaged life later. (One of the biggest downsides of not having my hubby around or freely available for conversation... not able to bounce these things off of him and reaffirm our plans together. =( ) Anywho, I had a wonderful conversation with them all and had some great, valuable feed back on all levels. No my cousin does not have a grudge against his parents for having been spanked, nor does he mistrust them. He actually admitted, "I'm pretty sure I deserved them!" And my aunt and uncle do not regret changing their minds and adjusting their parenting to fit their children and add spanking to their tool box. If I'm allowed to say so myself they have raised three pretty phenomenal young men, who along the way have needed some additional correction beyond redirection, loss of privileges, lectures, etc.
Some children may never need the tool of a spanking as each personality is different and children respond differently to life ad consequences. However, to blanketly say that no spankings ever is the only way to go... I do not agree. Some of you may disagree with me and perhaps you feel you could do a better job with my child than me... and maybe you could as your personality may be different as well. However, I will do my best with what I have right now and in our circumstances. And as one of our MOPS speakers shared at the beginning of the year, "I will never be a perfect parent, but I am the perfect parent for my child/children." God has given us two wonderful blessings so far, and hopefully we can bless them by raising them to be wonderful children... kind, compassionate, hard working, and honest. And how we get them there... that is a constant ever evolving journey!
I guess that about wraps up my soap box/rant for the night. Good night everyone...
What Is It? Wednesday (resorcinol)
9 years ago
